14 January

Two years.... It's been two years since Rivkah handed over the Knights. It feels like a stitch in time but oh, how things have changed.

We've grown. We've lost. We've been happy, and sad. We've seen new families begin...and families end.

I love my Knights. I'm very proud of them. There's changes I still would like to make, but we're okay.

Heh...two years. It's odd that it didn't alway feel like -my- family instead of Rivkah's. She's been gone, for the most part, since I began. But her presence was still with me. I worried about makin changes that she wouldn't like. I worried about upsettin her. Yeah, it's been nearly two years, an only in the last year have I started to feel like it's my family. OUR family.

We've grown. Can I handle it? I certainly ain't had no trainin leadin folk or nothin. I just want us to work together, play together, love each other.

We wouldn't be nothin without all of the members. I wouldn't be able to get anything done without Wind an Tae an the ladies an lords.

I appreciate them all. I should tell em more.

My wonderful knights. My family.

I've changed. More than most will ever know. I'm happy. So very happy.

13 January


O fulo osa O rini osa do falla ni

05 January

I worry about her. Somethin ain't right. She's always been a bit rough..but never mean or hateful. She even snapped at me. She says she's all right, but I ain't so sure. I feel really helpless. What can I do? I don't know nothin...

31 December

I am truly happy. Another realization that came quickly. Startled me and took my breath. Not as much as the one, but still.

How is it something can sneak up on you and once you realize what's happened, it's really too late to stop it. Do you even wanna stop it? I don't.

Thinkin back a few months, I realized...and it caught my breath. I felt stuck under water for a few moments, unable to take a breath. Breath I needed. Had I really cared....it would've been way too late. It sounds bad. Perhaps it was for a short time. But it didn't take long for the panic to subside.

I'm happy.

24 December

It's odd. It's odd how something that seems so silly at the time can cause a world of trouble. How quickly something so sweet and special can be ruined.

I hope it's not as I think. As bad. I hope I get over this feelin.

20 December

I think he's truly gone. I went after him, a couple months back, after gettin word of where he might be. But I got nothin...now...I can't even sense him at all.

I am but one. Something new...something I don't like. One Traas.

12 December

Things change. Life ebbs and flows through many twists and turns. There's changes I've experienced that I wouldn't have ever said likely. Fel, I wouldn't have even allowed em.

Fel's slipped off. Gone. Into the shadows. Ree's stepped back. Rivkah's disappeared...

We've ventured into Medihv's tower. A rather dangerous place. Over all, I'm pleased with how it's goin. We'll see what the future holds.

I'm workin on definin some things within the Knights. Our family grows an is successful. But I still feel the need to know each one. I don't think I'm successful.

29 November

Nero grows. He's the cutest, sweetest thing. Heh..has a habit of gettin into stuff. His feathers are startin to show, a light golden color.

He sang to me tonight. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. The finest music, the most well-trained artist couldn't compare.

15 November

Fin's gone now as well. I really thought she'd be some help with settin up the guild vault, but no, she got moved to Stormwind, an we ain't heard from her since.

It's a good thing, makes it easier for folk to get what they need, but it's been tough gettin things right for it.

13 November

Why is it that things always seem one step ahead of you? I ain't seen or heard from him for months. Folks say they've briefly heard his voice or that he's picked up his stones, but I got nothin.

I long ago sold his place in Stormwind, his dog's here with me. He's disappeared before. Sure he's gotta be all right...right?

I got word...I heard that he was in trouble, needed help...immediately

I'm beginnin to think I'll never know him again, never see him again.

One...step...behind...

31 October

I'll be leavin at the crack of dawn in the mornin. I gotta write what I can, no time for goodbyes. I gotta hurry...time's wastin. If I'm gonna find him, I gotta go.

17 October

I'm not sure if I feel better. You'd think I'd feel cleansed. Instead, I'm just tired. It was hard. Last night was the first time since my parents passed. I don't much like it. I don't wanna do it again any time soon.

16 October

All I wanted to do was run. I haven't felt like runnin away like that in a long time. I fell asleep rather quickly, but I tossed an turned. And woke often. At some point, I was alone. Why did it feel almost a relief? Fitful sleep. Fitful rest. Fitful thought.

I made myself stay. I don't know that I'm any better for it.

05 October

I feel better. Still a bit snarky. Hopefully, that'll work itself on out. There's some folk I'm not at all snarky around. Others I tend to just fuss to.

Silly birds. Are they birds? I dunno. They're proud, happy. Heh, well they seem so. I reckon that's all that matters.

02 October

So many thoughts, no way to get them down. Not sure I want to.

I've neglected this for so long, much like I've neglected other things. I tend to live in, in many ways, in denial. It works great until, as a friend recently told me, reality smacks you in the face.

I woke up today feelin fine. Perhaps focusin on some little things, but fine. Suddenly, I'm in a mood an things hit me wrong.

Now, there's things I don't wanna think about, things I don't want talked to me about. How these things affect me...is it my mood, the circumstance, what? I dunno.

I've been into Karazhan for more then a look-see. Instead of a light-hearted tour, fightin ensued. They didn't make it far, but it's been all right. I look forward to the Knights gatherin a group and goin. Got the people. I'd say it'd be up to him. He needs to arrange all this.

I'd wager not many folk would want for much to be around me right now. Seems some folks just set me off right now. Tense and snarky does not good company make. I don't feel like this around everyone.

09 September

Pulling, pushing, clinging, chasing....circles go round and round. Perhaps things have changed some. Am I pushing away...chasing away? I might be.

Slaate got married. They had a private ceremony, invited folks to the reception. It was nice. I don't know Trusiel much. I just want her to find happiness. I think she needs it.

So I didn't lose it...it's right here. And it's good.

More and more I struggle to find words. I'm saying less and less.

05 September

What a trying day...I'd rather not repeat any of it. I'm settlin into bed here in Ironforge. I've not spent the night here in ages. I sold our place when I moved to Shattrath. Makes no sense to keep up so many households. But there's still rooms for rent around, and I found a comfortable enough bed.

Fiesty showed up tonight. She said her goodbye's. She wouldn't tell us where she was goin, but called it a suicide mission. I don't like that one bit. Cali, Halo, Ree, an me all sat in the tavern in Iron Forge an drank with her. I told her it won't goodbye and did my best Tyree impersonation tellin her she would come back...that I demanded it. If only I believed it myself...

If only...

I almost lost it, I think. This is so much more than I ever imagined

03 September

Time is a bit fuzzy. I went to help Wind with a little pig problem and we were joined by this mage she met. He's an odd sort, indeed. I figure him to be half nuts. Seems, Vael had been charged with lookin after him, an well, he lost him. He called me Beth. No one calls me Beth but Ben...who's gone..again...I felt odd...sad...almost... meh..I need to talk to Vael. Findin him may prove as difficult for me as his findin that mage...

Happiness. Why do I feel like it's about to slip through my fingers...again?

Tucked inside the journal is a stained and somewhat tattered piece of parchment. While the parchment has seen better days, the doodle seems fresh.

27 August

Naxxramas...an interesting venture, indeed. Not unsuccessful, but no where near being successful. How very ironic that I learned three epic quality smithin patterns that I'll likely never have a use for. I find that a bit ironic.

I'm exalted with the Argent Dawn now, no doubt they'll be callin for me to come help. I keep hearin nasty rumors bout stuff goin on up there.

The Wandering Knights hosted a Tournament of Champions Sunday evenin. It was rather interestin. Interesting company, interesting conversations. The rounds went fairly quickly. The exhibits of power were quite interesting. It's funny to me that some people feel they have to be in complete control and starve for attention. The silly folks who jumped into the arena are just one example.

Dei came by. He actually had the decency to tell me he's leavin for a "vacation" this time. That meant a lot, actually. He said he just needed some time, but I can't help but wonder if it ain't got somethin to do with Feisty bein gone. Meh..he knows I'm here for him when he needs me. Course, so did she...

I wonder if folks see me as weak when I don't have to run everything the Knights do. Heck, I don't even have to run everything I do.