15 November

Fin's gone now as well. I really thought she'd be some help with settin up the guild vault, but no, she got moved to Stormwind, an we ain't heard from her since.

It's a good thing, makes it easier for folk to get what they need, but it's been tough gettin things right for it.

13 November

Why is it that things always seem one step ahead of you? I ain't seen or heard from him for months. Folks say they've briefly heard his voice or that he's picked up his stones, but I got nothin.

I long ago sold his place in Stormwind, his dog's here with me. He's disappeared before. Sure he's gotta be all right...right?

I got word...I heard that he was in trouble, needed help...immediately

I'm beginnin to think I'll never know him again, never see him again.

One...step...behind...

31 October

I'll be leavin at the crack of dawn in the mornin. I gotta write what I can, no time for goodbyes. I gotta hurry...time's wastin. If I'm gonna find him, I gotta go.

17 October

I'm not sure if I feel better. You'd think I'd feel cleansed. Instead, I'm just tired. It was hard. Last night was the first time since my parents passed. I don't much like it. I don't wanna do it again any time soon.

16 October

All I wanted to do was run. I haven't felt like runnin away like that in a long time. I fell asleep rather quickly, but I tossed an turned. And woke often. At some point, I was alone. Why did it feel almost a relief? Fitful sleep. Fitful rest. Fitful thought.

I made myself stay. I don't know that I'm any better for it.

05 October

I feel better. Still a bit snarky. Hopefully, that'll work itself on out. There's some folk I'm not at all snarky around. Others I tend to just fuss to.

Silly birds. Are they birds? I dunno. They're proud, happy. Heh, well they seem so. I reckon that's all that matters.

02 October

So many thoughts, no way to get them down. Not sure I want to.

I've neglected this for so long, much like I've neglected other things. I tend to live in, in many ways, in denial. It works great until, as a friend recently told me, reality smacks you in the face.

I woke up today feelin fine. Perhaps focusin on some little things, but fine. Suddenly, I'm in a mood an things hit me wrong.

Now, there's things I don't wanna think about, things I don't want talked to me about. How these things affect me...is it my mood, the circumstance, what? I dunno.

I've been into Karazhan for more then a look-see. Instead of a light-hearted tour, fightin ensued. They didn't make it far, but it's been all right. I look forward to the Knights gatherin a group and goin. Got the people. I'd say it'd be up to him. He needs to arrange all this.

I'd wager not many folk would want for much to be around me right now. Seems some folks just set me off right now. Tense and snarky does not good company make. I don't feel like this around everyone.

09 September

Pulling, pushing, clinging, chasing....circles go round and round. Perhaps things have changed some. Am I pushing away...chasing away? I might be.

Slaate got married. They had a private ceremony, invited folks to the reception. It was nice. I don't know Trusiel much. I just want her to find happiness. I think she needs it.

So I didn't lose it...it's right here. And it's good.

More and more I struggle to find words. I'm saying less and less.

05 September

What a trying day...I'd rather not repeat any of it. I'm settlin into bed here in Ironforge. I've not spent the night here in ages. I sold our place when I moved to Shattrath. Makes no sense to keep up so many households. But there's still rooms for rent around, and I found a comfortable enough bed.

Fiesty showed up tonight. She said her goodbye's. She wouldn't tell us where she was goin, but called it a suicide mission. I don't like that one bit. Cali, Halo, Ree, an me all sat in the tavern in Iron Forge an drank with her. I told her it won't goodbye and did my best Tyree impersonation tellin her she would come back...that I demanded it. If only I believed it myself...

If only...

I almost lost it, I think. This is so much more than I ever imagined

03 September

Time is a bit fuzzy. I went to help Wind with a little pig problem and we were joined by this mage she met. He's an odd sort, indeed. I figure him to be half nuts. Seems, Vael had been charged with lookin after him, an well, he lost him. He called me Beth. No one calls me Beth but Ben...who's gone..again...I felt odd...sad...almost... meh..I need to talk to Vael. Findin him may prove as difficult for me as his findin that mage...

Happiness. Why do I feel like it's about to slip through my fingers...again?

Tucked inside the journal is a stained and somewhat tattered piece of parchment. While the parchment has seen better days, the doodle seems fresh.

27 August

Naxxramas...an interesting venture, indeed. Not unsuccessful, but no where near being successful. How very ironic that I learned three epic quality smithin patterns that I'll likely never have a use for. I find that a bit ironic.

I'm exalted with the Argent Dawn now, no doubt they'll be callin for me to come help. I keep hearin nasty rumors bout stuff goin on up there.

The Wandering Knights hosted a Tournament of Champions Sunday evenin. It was rather interestin. Interesting company, interesting conversations. The rounds went fairly quickly. The exhibits of power were quite interesting. It's funny to me that some people feel they have to be in complete control and starve for attention. The silly folks who jumped into the arena are just one example.

Dei came by. He actually had the decency to tell me he's leavin for a "vacation" this time. That meant a lot, actually. He said he just needed some time, but I can't help but wonder if it ain't got somethin to do with Feisty bein gone. Meh..he knows I'm here for him when he needs me. Course, so did she...

I wonder if folks see me as weak when I don't have to run everything the Knights do. Heck, I don't even have to run everything I do.

20 August

Life is pretty good. I look back, an I can't really think of much I got to complain about.

Another weddin this weekend. As much as I try...I hate em. I just don't really see what's so great about em. Rarely does anyone stay married. Rarely is the marriage sacred in any way. Meh...I wish em the best. I don't know her, but he's a good gent, if a little spastic. I just don't ever think it'll be for me..no matter how it's tailored.

Good times, good friends. Other than the wedding and reminders of selfish, foolish people, I've been good. Meh..actually, lately, I feel like I've been sippin from a moonwell. Tis a good thing, no?

27 July

Most of the last few weeks has been a blur. My ability to pick up my stones and hold them has been un-reliable at best. Whild it hasn't been as bad as my ability to enter the guild hall, it's been frustratin.

I've missed many of my friends, our schedules not meshing. There's been celebrations as well as frightenin experiences. The last few weeks have brought out emotions I didn't know existed any more.

I now have several "heroic" keys. I wonder when I'll use them. I'm missing the key from Honor Hold, and I expect it'll be a long time afore I'm liked enough to get that one. I've yet to even see the Shattered Halls. Isn't that sad?

The Knights have celebrated their 2nd anniversary. The actual celebration was almost a week late and very quiet. We drank and told little things about each other. I rather liked it. I hope everyone else did. We had some distinguished guests which included Halo, Slaate, and Lady Raveion and several of the Wandering Knights. I think folks were surprised and delighted with what others said about them.

During our talk, Dae took off to the tower to do some readin or somethin. He never returned and our dear Wind took off after him. He was gone, and there were drag marks from the tower. Thank goodness the Wandering Knights were there, for they helped with the search and rescue. I..I just stood there, really unable to do anything. He was found out in the Great Sea...weighted down, near death. I wonder who would've done that and why...

It seems many people are findin love, others are slipping further from it. Happiness seems so fleetin then all of a sudden it hits you in the face. I'm extremely happy for some, really worried about others.

I've been able to sit and drink with friends several nights recently, when I could hold my stones. I've enjoyed that a lot. I'm afraid to name em here, for fear I'd miss someone. There's not many things I'd rather do than sit and chat with friends.

I've had good talks and bad talks. One in particular reminded me of just how shut off I am from everyone...everything. Someone really let me have it because I couldn't open up to them. No, I can't. No..I don't trust you. I said it. I think most people know it, they just let me be me or move on to something else. Most move on.

I don't know where I've been and I certainly don't know where I'm goin. In the here now when nothin else matters, I smile. I know a taste isn't enough, will this be?

09 July

Had a nice visit in the Scryer's Terrace. Seems for an Aldor, I spend a lot of time there. The pipes are good and the company's good. What else could you ask for?

I was able to spend some time with old friends and new alike as well as some that we're just getting to know each other better.

It amazes me how quickly time flies when you're having fun.

I've always been a fan of the rain. The way if feels hitting my face. The way it cools my skin. I got a taste the other night. Now I wonder if a taste is enough.

21 June

Some things are better left unsaid. Heh, I'm one to avoid making assumptions. Too many folks have done it to me. But in this case, just knowing was enough. The words should've never been said.

On a happier note...first flight. One's first flight I think is the most magical experience. Fortunately, the feeling lasts for a while. I'm always pleased to be able to share someone's first flight.

13 June

He'd been promising to take me out carousin for a goodly while. Heh, he said we'd drink, smoke, and look for women. I told him I'd leave the lookin for women part to him. As it turns out, we had company for some of it, too. Stormwind, Ironforge, and Booty Bay. The taverns in the cities were very quiet. We had our own entertainment, though. Booty Bay was a bit more active, even had some priest watchin over us for a while.

He's perfected his herb mixture and taught me how to properly smoke from that little pipe. I liked that about as much as I like those hookah pipes. Sro said he'd make me a pipe. Now to find somethin to put in it.

I had a lot of fun. I'm not far from bein ready to do it again.

11 June

Life is good. New experiences are sometimes almost magical.

I made my first trip into Onyxia's Lair tonight. It was chaotic, but she went down without too much of a problem. It's kinda silly that I'm just now doing these sorts of things...

06 June

I woke up to one of the most amazing lightening storms I've seen in some time. Boom! At first, I tried not to look. "Must Sleep," I told myself. Soon though, I knew I'd not be able to sleep, the constant crashes, explosions, rumbling across the sky. I life up the clefthide blanket and stare up at the sky. The first drops sprinkling my face. Watching it instantaneously change from an inky black to a bright, yet drab gray. I watch the lightening jump across the sky. I see the sky light up, yet still jump when the thunder boomed mere moments later. As time passed, the boom took longer to occur.

Almost as soon as it started, the sky settled down to a mellow rumble and the rain began. The rain that will lull me back to sleep.

03 June

I'm a bit worried about about one of my Knights. Well, more than one, but... This one, she seems tired a lot and worried for her sister. We'll need to make it to the Moonglade in the near future.

I got some ... news today. Emm has stepped down as Defiant of the Bastion. Mograthna has stepped up to take her place.

Ree finished her trainin tonight and now has a beautiful snowy gryph. She was so excited. It was really neat to see her excitement and to be able to share that.

I think I need to try to understand the Draenei more, as I've tried to understand the Kaldorei. Though, each being is still an individual, I'm sometimes lost. I have questions...do all of them have a strong work ethic? Do all look at things in the concrete..black and white?

He's shown back up. Yet he hasn't approached me about my needin to talk to him. Instead, he chooses to snoop around and spy on me. Silly man...doesn't he know that if I wish to keep a secret, there's no way he'd find out?